The Story Behind Why I Chose Painting as My Medium of Expression

Hello 😊 I’m Narrative Painter 🖊 Fujinoykariko ⚜️ This is far from being a logically organized piece of writing… and, I have to admit, it may be rather difficult to read. (I sometimes even catch myself thinking, “Wait… weren’t you once a children’s literature writer?!” 💦) Still, I wanted to take some time to look back on why I chose painting as my medium of expression. Someday, I may organize all of this into something clearer and more concise. But for now, I simply want to let the thoughts unfold and write them down as they come. 🔶 Why I Chose Painting as My Medium of Expression 🔶 ／ 　Because I felt that painting could express things 　better than putting them into words. ＼ If I had to sum it up in one sentence, that would be it. But there was quite a journey behind that realization. 　　↓ For more than twenty years, with some interruptions along the way, I wrote stories. And through all those years of writing, I repeatedly came across something: No matter how carefully I chose my words, there were many things that simply could not be conveyed exactly through writing. Because, in the end, each person receives words through their own filter— their state of mind and feelings at that moment, their experiences, their memories, and everything else that has shaped them. So even when the same words are used, what reaches one person may not be exactly what reaches another. Painting, however, was something I had never really considered as a possibility for myself. When I was around school age, my parents told me that I wasn't good at drawing. From then on, I came to believe that I was simply someone who couldn't draw. For decades, I never seriously practiced drawing. Then one day, while talking with a coach who had an exceptional ability to recognize the strengths and natural abilities in people (she was someone I met while taking a psychotherapy counseling course 💛), I came to realize something: “I can't draw” was simply a belief I had been holding. 〈It was quite a shock! 👀💡〉 Around that time, I had also become very drawn to the style of pastel art. I spent some time watching YouTube videos about pastel art, as well as videos showing other ways of working with pastels, and simply trying things out myself. Eventually, I decided that I wanted to properly learn the techniques of pastel art. So I took a course where I could also earn a Japanese Pastel Art “Semi-Instructor” qualification. And, interestingly, even before I began drawing, I had already enjoyed creating my own original designs for images that I used in my social media posts. The rule I had imposed on myself— “I'm not good at drawing, so I must not draw.” ✖ gradually transformed into— “I'm free to draw whatever I want.” 👀💪 Taking inspiration from the pastel techniques I learned in the course, as well as techniques I discovered in books about drawing, I simply began to draw. 　　👆 And that is how I first encountered painting as a form of expression. 😊 Then— something else happened. I began to think more deeply about words. We understand a word through the overlap between the meaning and nuance that the speaker or writer gives it, and the meaning and nuance that we ourselves associate with that word. In other words, I believe this is one of the reasons why our intentions can sometimes become misaligned, even when we use every word available to us. Words are surprisingly ambiguous. And there was something else, too. Inside my mind, there had always been images and scenes that I wanted to express. When I wrote stories, I would take those images and scenes and translate them into words. In other words, because I believed I couldn't draw, I had been translating what I saw within myself into words and sentences. Then I reached a point where, although I still cannot express every image or scene perfectly, I realized: I can express this through painting. 〈Thanks to my coach. 🙏〉 And if that is possible, then painting is enough. ✨ There is another reason why painting feels right to me. A painting is information that enters through the eyes. It does not require words. Yes, I add words or sentences to my paintings. But those words are not there to explain the painting completely. They are simply part of the whole— perhaps adding a little direction, or complementing something that the painting itself is expressing. Words engage our thinking. We use thought to understand them. But a painting can speak directly to something that already exists within us. Perhaps one person will receive something from a painting, put it into words, and through that process come to an understanding. Another person may simply receive it, without ever needing to put it into words. And I think that is one of the beautiful things about painting. It allows us to receive something that does not need to be spoken— something that may not even be possible to put into words. After all, words are a medium we use to communicate with others. We take what exists within us— our thoughts, our sensations, our feelings, our wishes— and translate those things into words. With painting, we don't necessarily have to go through that process of translation. We can simply leave a feeling as a feeling. A sensation can remain a sensation. And perhaps, in the person receiving it, that sensation may become intertwined with or merge with something already living within them. And that's enough. It is okay for it to be that way. Perhaps it is meant to be that way. When I share my paintings on social media, I often receive responses that I never expected. By “unexpected responses,” I mean that someone may receive a painting in a way that is quite different from what I consciously intended when I created it. And yet, they respond. Which means something has reached them. I cannot know exactly what that “something” is. But my impression is that, in many cases, whatever they have received seems to be connected to a direction that helps them move forward in their lives. And that makes me very happy. Because 共奏 (kyōsō)—— creating harmony together, and expanding smiles—— is one of the themes of my life. When I sense that a painting has touched someone in a way that helps them move forward, it feels as though we are facing in the same direction. 💛 🖊　　🖊　　🖊　　🖊 And so— this has turned into quite a rambling piece of writing. But if, somehow, even just a little, what I wanted to convey has reached you, I would be truly happy. 🥰